Having spent the last 9 months completely altering my diet and eating habits in the lead up to competition, I am now sitting in front of my laptop with a cup of tea and a biscuit cake - eating it completely guilt free because I made it myself with healthy natural ingredients and it is my scheduled treat for the day (not that I have one every day!!). I spent the final 2 months of my competition prep thinking about these biscuit cakes….crumbly shortbread, that middle layer of raspberry jam and literally, the "icing on the cake". I know it sounds crazy, but these cakes make me feel good - there….I said it! For all you folks out there who think that I prefer spinach salad to cake, its just not true! I just don't indulge in cake on a daily or even a weekly basis, but my cravings do get the better of me on occasion.
So, rather than go out and buy these cakes, I usually bake them using marginally healthy ingredients - xylitol instead of sugar, gluten free flour mix instead of plain flour, usually a cream cheese topping instead of icing - I made an exception this time!Rather than rambling on, I'm going to get right on down to the point that I wanted to make today. I rang my mum to find the recipe and the conversation we had was a huge eye opener. She knew the ingredients but not their measurements so I suggested that the recipe was in the big blue recipe book that we used to keep under the kitchen counter …."you know, behind the little pull back curtain, next to the mixing bowls". I also described in great detail the picture that accompanied the recipe in that book and as I was describing these pretty little cakes, I found myself feeling particularly elated. I remembered baking after school with my mum. White flour smudges on my green uniform, the taste of sugar, butter, flour and egg mix licked off wooden spoons, spending quiet time going through the steps of whisking eggs, spooning mix into paper cases and finally watching the cakes change to gold under the glow of the oven lights. Suddenly, my craving for these little cakes was gone. I got off the phone with my mum and tried to analyse this. I had been thinking about these cakes for the last 8 weeks of my competition prep. As I worried about my fat loss, about the shape of my biceps, the lines in my legs and the fit of my bikini, I took comfort in the fact that soon, I could sit with a cup of tea and eat some of these delicious comforting treats. As my stress levels went up and I put myself under more and more pressure, so too did my food cravings. Trays of lasagne, big bowls of chicken curry with rice - not the fancy green thai with coconut milk, the 'leftover from Sunday dinner' type with the powdered sauce from the tub - these were the meals I craved. Then competition day came around and when I was done, all I wanted was a good rare steak and some salad.
A sudden realisation hit me - I wasn't craving the food, I was craving the comfort that the memory of the food gave me. As a child, my mum would make the lasagne, but I was allowed to lay out the pasta sheets in between meat layers. Making curry, my mum would add all the ingredients and then get me to stand stirring until the mix bubbled thickly in the pot sending spicy notes of cumin and garam masala spiralling upwards in the steam. She didn't need to give instructions or talk me through it - it was a quiet, methodical process, one that we both enjoyed in relative silence.
The Child In Us
When we are sick, we become children again. We get great comfort from being 'minded'. This is particularly true of man flu sufferers who revert to age 6 immediately once a sniffle comes on. And what do we seek in these instances? We look for a cuddle, someone to tuck us in and wrap a warm blanket around us. It might be Mum, it might be Dad, it might be a big brother, sister or aunt - but in times of sickness or stress, we always seek out that comfort. So coming back to food, it seems to me that as stress levels rise, our bodies treat this as if we were sick and we look for that comfort. We crave sugars to bring us swinging back up to our happy perch and we wait for that shortlived 'happy' feeling that often accompanies the sensation of galaxy chocolate melting on our tongues.
I don't have the answer to this one. I'm not a psychologist or a psychotherapist. But I will say that understanding what kind of relationship you have with food will go a long way to helping you to battle cravings, weight problems and unhealthy snacking. Sit down and think about your favourite foods. In my house as a child, fish and chips takeaways meant that my mum was working nights. My father would drive us to the chipper, sit me up high on the counter and make me tot up the cost of our dinner, taking the prices off the board above the serving hatch. We never bothered with plates always eating the chips from the paper as we chatted about our days. Clean up was simply folding the paper in 4 and squashing it down into the bin - Happy memories and comfort!
Now when I look for that feeling, that comfort when I'm feeling stressed or tired, I pick up the phone and suggest to my Mum that we walk the dogs together, offer to bring my Dad for a coffee and I try to tie this feeling of comfort to a new past time - one that doesn't involve cake!
Do you feel the same about food? Are you an emotional eater? Leave a comment - I would be very interested to hear if it's just me who feels this way about food!
Until next time folks - Fiona :)
When we are sick, we become children again. We get great comfort from being 'minded'. This is particularly true of man flu sufferers who revert to age 6 immediately once a sniffle comes on. And what do we seek in these instances? We look for a cuddle, someone to tuck us in and wrap a warm blanket around us. It might be Mum, it might be Dad, it might be a big brother, sister or aunt - but in times of sickness or stress, we always seek out that comfort. So coming back to food, it seems to me that as stress levels rise, our bodies treat this as if we were sick and we look for that comfort. We crave sugars to bring us swinging back up to our happy perch and we wait for that shortlived 'happy' feeling that often accompanies the sensation of galaxy chocolate melting on our tongues.
I don't have the answer to this one. I'm not a psychologist or a psychotherapist. But I will say that understanding what kind of relationship you have with food will go a long way to helping you to battle cravings, weight problems and unhealthy snacking. Sit down and think about your favourite foods. In my house as a child, fish and chips takeaways meant that my mum was working nights. My father would drive us to the chipper, sit me up high on the counter and make me tot up the cost of our dinner, taking the prices off the board above the serving hatch. We never bothered with plates always eating the chips from the paper as we chatted about our days. Clean up was simply folding the paper in 4 and squashing it down into the bin - Happy memories and comfort!
Now when I look for that feeling, that comfort when I'm feeling stressed or tired, I pick up the phone and suggest to my Mum that we walk the dogs together, offer to bring my Dad for a coffee and I try to tie this feeling of comfort to a new past time - one that doesn't involve cake!
Do you feel the same about food? Are you an emotional eater? Leave a comment - I would be very interested to hear if it's just me who feels this way about food!
Until next time folks - Fiona :)
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