Even if you have never done it - perhaps you have wondered what it might be like to hire a personal trainer! Some of you may have gym memberships at big gyms with 40 treadmills all in a row infront of the 22 wide screen tv's, some of you may train in a small garage with just a set of dumbbells and a squat rack and some of you, may never have even entered a gym.
So with amazing equipment coming out our ears - why would we need a personal trainer?
Well I can tell you now - YOU DON'T!
Hiring a personal trainer will only end in heartache!
Here are the likely side effects of a 12 week training schedule with a good trainer....(cover your eyes if you're squeamish)...
1. After 12 weeks, you may need to buy new clothes as your old ones will no longer fit you
2. You might actually start to enjoy exercising - WHAT is that going to do to your social life????
3. That hip /back pain that you have had since you tripped in Gorby's (Cork night club) on leaving cert night in 1996 might spontaneously resolve
4. Your skin will start to look better
5. Your heart, blood vessels and lungs will be healthier - reducing your risk factors for cardiac disease
6. A very worrying side effect is that you may have increased levels of self confidence
7. Your sex drive will improve (for those of you who have already experienced this ...its too late..i'm so sorry.....)
8. When you are feeling low, and you really don't want to keep working out - your personal trainer might actually be standing right by your side to help you out so you reach your goals (jerk!)
9. When you just can't think of something to cook for dinner - all you have to do is look at the meal plan your personal trainer gave you and pick something from it...mind control I tell you!!!!
10. Finally - your personal trainer may totally turn your life around! How dare those trainers assume that you want more energy, want to feel comfortable in your own skin, want to be desired, want to feel desire, want to be healthier, want to be able to laugh without your whole body shaking with the effort....want to live to see your grandchildren grow up!
Personal trainers will expect you to workout for 4% of the day, between 3-5 times a week.....what's all that about? They might say "you shouldn't eat those chips....but you can have a fillet steak".
I may have to learn how to prepare food....what a disaster - my kids might pick up that terrible habit, then they will never learn how to fry waffles! What will that lead to in their future????
So you see - life would be so much better without personal trainers.
I am gathering an army - I am writing guidelines so that you can search out the best personal trainers in your area, use them and feed off their positivity and motivation for as long as it takes to uncover the truth about these annoyingly happy people. Please see the guidelines below - and may the force be with you!
GUIDELINES ON CHOOSING A PERSONAL TRAINER
1. Always ask for an initial consultation
You should take the time to discover if you like this person. You wouldn't hire an employee who
annoys you - you need to like your trainer and respect them on the most basic human level.
2. Your trainer should practice what they preach
If your trainer is trying to teach you an exercise that they can't do themselves...how can they know
what to teach you!
3. Your trainer needs to walk the walk
As above - if your trainer is giving dietary advice / health advice and then goes outside for a cigarette
whilst they sun their beer gut.....they either don't have the motivation or power to follow their own
advice or they don't actually know how to get results
4. Don't be fooled by lots of letters
If a trainer has lots of letters after their name - it can indicate that they have a great academic
background and have attended a large amount of courses, leading them to become excellent trainers .... or it may mean that they just have lots of letters after their name! See the person, not the
qualifications.
5. Pushing products
If your trainer tries to push products before even doing a dietary analysis, its time to pack your bags!
You may be getting all you need in your diet.
6. Abs are made in the kitchen -
If your trainer ONLY does gym programmes, you should also be paying for a nutritional counsellor -
it doesn't matter how hard you train if the fuel for the engine isn't up to par.
7. Experience
Ask your trainer what experience they have. Have they trained someone in your sports discipline before (soccor, rugby, tae kwon do....etc). What have their results been with fat loss clients? Check
their website and see if they have any testimonials.
Finally - if, when you do find the perfect trainer, you start seeing a change in your body shape/ waistline / libido / energy levels / confidence / health.......get out of there FAST....I believe they can do VOODOO too (that'll be the big letter V after their name!!!!)
So with amazing equipment coming out our ears - why would we need a personal trainer?
Well I can tell you now - YOU DON'T!
Hiring a personal trainer will only end in heartache!
Here are the likely side effects of a 12 week training schedule with a good trainer....(cover your eyes if you're squeamish)...
1. After 12 weeks, you may need to buy new clothes as your old ones will no longer fit you
2. You might actually start to enjoy exercising - WHAT is that going to do to your social life????
3. That hip /back pain that you have had since you tripped in Gorby's (Cork night club) on leaving cert night in 1996 might spontaneously resolve
4. Your skin will start to look better
5. Your heart, blood vessels and lungs will be healthier - reducing your risk factors for cardiac disease
6. A very worrying side effect is that you may have increased levels of self confidence
7. Your sex drive will improve (for those of you who have already experienced this ...its too late..i'm so sorry.....)
8. When you are feeling low, and you really don't want to keep working out - your personal trainer might actually be standing right by your side to help you out so you reach your goals (jerk!)
9. When you just can't think of something to cook for dinner - all you have to do is look at the meal plan your personal trainer gave you and pick something from it...mind control I tell you!!!!
10. Finally - your personal trainer may totally turn your life around! How dare those trainers assume that you want more energy, want to feel comfortable in your own skin, want to be desired, want to feel desire, want to be healthier, want to be able to laugh without your whole body shaking with the effort....want to live to see your grandchildren grow up!
Personal trainers will expect you to workout for 4% of the day, between 3-5 times a week.....what's all that about? They might say "you shouldn't eat those chips....but you can have a fillet steak".
I may have to learn how to prepare food....what a disaster - my kids might pick up that terrible habit, then they will never learn how to fry waffles! What will that lead to in their future????
So you see - life would be so much better without personal trainers.
I am gathering an army - I am writing guidelines so that you can search out the best personal trainers in your area, use them and feed off their positivity and motivation for as long as it takes to uncover the truth about these annoyingly happy people. Please see the guidelines below - and may the force be with you!
GUIDELINES ON CHOOSING A PERSONAL TRAINER
1. Always ask for an initial consultation
You should take the time to discover if you like this person. You wouldn't hire an employee who
annoys you - you need to like your trainer and respect them on the most basic human level.
2. Your trainer should practice what they preach
If your trainer is trying to teach you an exercise that they can't do themselves...how can they know
what to teach you!
3. Your trainer needs to walk the walk
As above - if your trainer is giving dietary advice / health advice and then goes outside for a cigarette
whilst they sun their beer gut.....they either don't have the motivation or power to follow their own
advice or they don't actually know how to get results
4. Don't be fooled by lots of letters
If a trainer has lots of letters after their name - it can indicate that they have a great academic
background and have attended a large amount of courses, leading them to become excellent trainers .... or it may mean that they just have lots of letters after their name! See the person, not the
qualifications.
5. Pushing products
If your trainer tries to push products before even doing a dietary analysis, its time to pack your bags!
You may be getting all you need in your diet.
6. Abs are made in the kitchen -
If your trainer ONLY does gym programmes, you should also be paying for a nutritional counsellor -
it doesn't matter how hard you train if the fuel for the engine isn't up to par.
7. Experience
Ask your trainer what experience they have. Have they trained someone in your sports discipline before (soccor, rugby, tae kwon do....etc). What have their results been with fat loss clients? Check
their website and see if they have any testimonials.
Finally - if, when you do find the perfect trainer, you start seeing a change in your body shape/ waistline / libido / energy levels / confidence / health.......get out of there FAST....I believe they can do VOODOO too (that'll be the big letter V after their name!!!!)
Great Post! But you might just want to try having the back pain cork ,it would be really interesting and helpful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Alina. I see that your post links to a chiropractic clinic - but I'm not sure I understand what you mean. The focus of this post was to make people aware that exercise is good for you and has many positive effects. It's not really about back pain.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fabulous post I seen because of offer it. It is really what I expected to see trust in future you will continue in sharing such a mind boggling post
ReplyDeletePersonal trainer nutritionist in birmingham